So I shared something with my friend today that I've been holding back for quite awhile about wanting another relationship with a guy type. She hadn't realized I took certain statements one way while she was actually talking to herself more than me. Why the hell did I wait so long to actually tell her. Her reply was quite wonderful, the epitome of what a true friend would say.
How comfortable are you sharing your sensitive self and your thoughts when it contradicts those you care about?
How uptight am I really for not talking about certain things?
Help!
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7 comments:
As a rule, I speak my mind. My friends understand me well enough to know that I would never say something to hurt them intentionally, and that I do not judge. I am also quite adept at diplomacy.
The only time I will not say what I think is when I know it will be hurtful and not at all helpful.
You wait so long to say anything to me because of your fear of confrontation...I've talked to you about this a gazillion times. This fear limits you, in my opinion (humble or not), from getting to truly know anyone. It bothers me to realize you think about me in various certain ways, when, in fact, it's me that encourages you to think like that, if that makes sense to you. For example, what I truly mean when I say something (hoping you'll understand cause you should know me by now) and how you take it, which, 9 times out of 10 isn't the way I'd hoped.
To be able to shoot straight from the hip is a hard thing to do between friends sometimes, but if you are true friends, it only bonds you closer.
I believe that if a friend can't be honest with me, or I with them...then we are putting conditions on the relationship, and it makes for a strange and probably shallow friendship.
But, being honest about sensitive stuff is definitely difficult to do! I find that to throw a cheesy joke in the conversation helps ease the tension, or of course, you could plan midnight margaritas, I have done that before! LOL
It's very hard for me to speak up. I recently had to do it and boy was it hard. And I'm still wondering about the consequences. But I've said my piece.
I think fear of being rejected or appearing hurtful to others often limits many people. About myself I am an open book about my own life with very few exceptions. It has taken me awhile to get to that point but I can say it is worth it. I am also trying to be more receptive of what others say (as long as it is said constructively). If we disagree SO WHAT?! Someone once told me that "no one can make me feel anyway I don't already feel about myself on some level" I think it was the same wise friend you talked to!
When it comes to others I try to be considerate but I am always honest especially if asked a direct question. I think there is a fine line between being honest and being hurtful. Diplomatic is the key I think.
I guess the older I get the more I am *starting* to accept me for me and care less what others think. Those who are real friends or close to me - they will like me for who I am. The rest. F'em!
P.S. I can write this a lot easier than I can live it. I do believe it in but it takes work.
I guess it really depends on what I'm talking about and with whom. Only my closest friends know me really well, as I'm a private person.
But I'm comfortable saying just about anything to those who I am very close to...unless it's going to be more hurtful than helpful. Even then, I may say it in the best way that I can if it's going to be helpful.
It's a tough call when it comes right down to it. Good luck!
I'm a pretty open person if I feel safe with the person I'm talking to. My closest friends know quite a bit about my life and I like it that way. I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not and that is freeing.
I think it allows them to be more open with me.
I say, try to open up more. Even about the things that you think your friend doesn't want to hear. I bet she/he'll surprise you. :)
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